Change

Last night I was told that my cousin had a baby. I reached out to the phone and called her immediately. As I congratulate her and say how happy I was, I just felt an infinite moment of joy and excitement. That was my one year old younger cousin I was congratulating on a new born baby. Then I remembered last month when my other cousin (one month old elder than me) getting married. Then I realized how my life is on a whirling wind of change. I was just stepping on to the beginning of it. Sometime later I would be to congratulate more people at my age on weddings, births, anniversaries... And someday it would be me to be congratulated... Life is changing continuously and it is impossible to cast yourself aside.

Grow Up

Below is a "in-five-minutes" kinda writing. I just want it to be in Turkish, so, I did not translate it. It would not mean that much (at least to me) if I had written in English anyway.

"Bir gün 'çok' büyüyeceğim ben. Kocaman olacağım... Tamam boyum posum değişmeyecek biliyorum; ama, yüreğim büyüyecek daha fazla... Daha fazla hüznü, daha fazla acıyı, daha fazla mutluluğu kaldırabilecek... Pes etmemeyi, şikayetlenmemeyi, kararların arkasında çekinmeden durabilmeyi zorlanmadan başaracağım. O "artık büyüdüğüm" gün olacak bunların hepsi... İşte o zaman hayatı sorgulamayı bırakacağım, yanımda olacak birini aramayacağım... İşte o zaman büyümüş olduğumu anlayacağım. Ama daha küçüğüm, bir gün büyüyeceğim, kocaman olacağım,... Az kaldı..."

Lost

Last night I lost my silver dragon necklace. As I found out the loss I felt incomplete. Eventually, it was just a smal silver ornament, not much of physical value... But it was of great value to me. It was the symbol of the happier times and relief after long lasted sorrow and worries. Worst of all, this was the second silver dragon necklace I had (I'd lost the first one too).

After I lost it, I realized that it is impossible to cling to something forever. You cannot possess anything for eternity. The things you've got leave you when the time comes.

Maybe it is the saddest rule of life, knowing that you will lose everything you possess someday. Yes, we all know it, but it is hard to accept at certain times. So, we all play the little game of “Possessing/Belonging” within ourselves. However, certain events in life, even very trivial ones, keep reminding us that nothing belongs to anyone.

All will be gone forever someday. The brand new clothes, the old-torn books, the precious ornaments, the cars, the houses... Not only the material things, but the feelings, the visions, the memories will also be lost too. The people you love, the people you hate, all the characters in your “story of life” will disappear into darkness.

Yes, it was just a necklace, but it was enough to remind me the bitter truth on losses.