The New Year and Resolutions

I guess I have given up having new year's resolutions long ago... First of all, the new year's day is just an ordinary day, like any other day of the year... Then, why wait for a special day to come to begin changing your life for good? Sounds like very optimistic, I know, but it is true, ain't it? It also sounds quite mature for me to say that. But, I think I, myself, have changed a lot over the last few years. Maybe it's all 'bout getting older. Don't know for sure, but what I really do know is that I do not care for new resolutions of a new year.

Recently recovered from a very intense academic study period and jumped into a bunch of social/cultural acitivities, I now cannot have any special time for myself these days. Italian, Spanish, Salsa Dancing, Primavera, decisions on the approaching future career, blah blah... So many things to conduct, so much to deal with... However, I know I become myself with all those to cope with. I guess I love living a life full of activities or at least with things to worry about...

With all those in my life recently, I really do not time to daydream, or hope, or wish for new things to happen or new resolutions to take. Or maybe I am realy tired of doing all those. Who knows... ;)

A new year to come, a new year to celebrate. Pure like the first cry of a baby, seems innocent as it could be...
But, it is in fact just another simple year... to live through...

Missing

Just passed the thesis defence I'm feeling so relieved... Besides, everything seems to be going quite allright... But, deep down somewhere, something feels like missing...

Happiness

Happiness cannot be reached through success, money, fame or love...
Happiness is just a matter between you and yourself alone.

Of Life and Hell

One of my friends once had a strange but somehow reasonable point of view for hell. She believed that it could be possible that we all are living in hell now... She supposed that living here on earth as a mortal being, and knowing that someday you’re gonna die and lose everything you own forever, is the real hell... That is to say, living a predetermined life that is bound to end in bitterness... Maybe that oughta be the torment for our sins in a past life...

Just imagine what to lose... Losing your family, friends, the people you love, losing all your memories, losing all the things you own, losing all your pleasures, and even losing your breath, the touch of fresh air forever... Losing all about “life”...

Maybe that’s the real “hell”... Who knows?

Just believe...!

Phocaea

Been here in Foça for the last two days...
Foça is surely a splendid place... But it felt empty without you...
It seemed as if you would suddenly appear coming towards me as I wandered in the streets. I wanted to stop by your house and check out the lights. For just a single moment I intended to grab my phone, call you and say "Here I am..."

In the end, not surprisingly, what I realized was that Foça meant you to me. And then, I got mad at you once more, for you have left and gone so far away, etc. etc...

Canım benim, I hope we will be together once again in Phocaea...
I missed you so much.

Caria

I have returned from a trip to Muğla yesterday. It was an official military mission for observation and investigation of the region. But somehow, quite surprisingly, it turned to a 'compact' holiday to the Menteşe Region, with the ancient name "Caria".

It is hard to imagine but I have been to Muğla, Akyaka/Gökova, Köyceğiz, Göcek, Dalyan, Marmaris, Hisarönü, Bozburun, Bodrum, Yalıkavak, Türkbükü and Milas in two days. The most unbelievable of all is that I did that as I was delivering my 'obligatory' military duty. I even had the chance to swim. If someone had told me before that I would do all these "in the army", I would have laughed at him/her with a response of "Stop kidding me!".

Altough it was hotter than hell for the whole trip, and we were travelling with a vehicle without air-conditioning, it was awesome to see all those places in the summer time. I had already seen most of the places before; but, in fact, some of them would be hard for me to go and visit by myself. For example, Bozburun is located in a small cove, surrounded by high mountains and capes. The road to Bozburun is also very winding, so it has a quite unpleasant access. But the nature I have seen there was so amazing that even the worst journey is worth to take to see it.



In addition, it was my first time in Göcek. I was fascinated by the beauty of the view. The marina hosts many luxurious boats, yachts which astonishes you from the very first moment you see them.


It was, once again, the sweetest thing to see the İztuzu Beach in Dalyan. The wonderful view of the combination of the lagoon, the river and the green-blue waters of the Mediterannean always charms me.


One other thing is that I had to chance to swim. Sweating from the extreme heat and the intense road trip, whole day I dreamt of swimming at the end of the day. When we were having dinner by the bright sea under the moon, I was determined enough to get up earliest in the morning and swim. In the early hours of the next morning, quite eagerly I got up, put on my swimming suit and rushed to the sea. It was not the best sea I swum in, but the feeling of the cool water flowing was so marvellous that it meant the world to me at that moment. Later that day, I learnt that the region, Hisarönü, is the location where the waters of the Mediterrannean meet the Aegen Sea; and that made it more special.

The last stop of the trip was Bodrum. Being there by itself was enough for me to be happy for the whole trip. The place I stayed the night was on one of the highest hills of the city. So, it had the amazing view of the whole city with the neighbouring suburbs. The Bodrum Castle, all the coves, the nearby islands (even the Kos), the white-house-covered hills were all in my sight from my balcony. Even wandering in the streets of the city in the night could not satisfy me as that view did.


Considering all the places I been to, all the beauty I witnessed; I believe, we live in
the most beautiful country of all. We'd better be in the know of it...

At The Funeral

I was at one of the martyr funerals we watched in today's evening news. I was a 'green one' in Kocatepe, among all the 'greens', 'whites' and 'indigos' with shiny stars and wreaths on shoulders. There, waiting under the bright sun, I was just a man who is standing still and the other was another man but lying in a wooden casket and will never be standing under the sun again...

Whether you support the ideas or not, in a martyr funeral, every single word cried out loud by the people around penetrates deep into your soul.

When I salute the coffin passing by me, although I try to keep my facial expression straight, my inner sorrow tells me to shout out loud: "Why do all these happen'"... Then a heavy funeral march starts. I look at the eyes of the people around, some beginned to grow tears... As I walk along with the crowd, I try to put some meaning... To my life, to his life, to his death...

What You're Really Worth To Me

"No matter how strong
I'm gonna take you down
With one little stone
I'm gonna break you down
And see what you're worth
What you're really worth to me"

Do we all have the courage to really
see what our beloved ones worth to
us?

(lyrics from Dinner At Eight
by Rufus Wainwright
on the Album Want One)

One Minute Silence For All The Lost Times*

Let’s just keep it quite for one single minute;
For paying a tribute to all the times we missed in our lifetimes...
For all the times we regretted to spend in the blink of an eye, so carelessly...
For all the times we ever wished to come back and live once again...
Let’s just keep our mouths shut, lips sealed for a minute;
For all lost times of our beloved little lives...

*Inspired by the words on “Gocce the Intellectual”s personal OM page.

New

There's no such thing as "beginning a new life". Certainly we all have one life to live, and it goes a long way, somehow straight or winding. But, it is also quite certain that life changes its course and structure in time. This, most of us regard as a "new life". Maybe it gives you peace to begin a new one when the 'ex' one had recently made you feel awful enough.

No new life exists; however life do refreshes itself... Recovers from severe situations, regenerates its path, and builds out a new direction, even destination. thus, the things around you, the conditions, the impressions on your mind, your vision of living change in accordance with this renewal process.

Sometimes you perceive this refreshment at the moment you are living within. But, there are also times when not even a single detail changed is noticed. It is what makes the difference when you understand the twist in your life.

Why do I mention all these? Because in the last few months I have experienced this kind of a change in my own life. I just started a "refreshed" life... This time I do know what really 'change of life' means...