A Surprising E-mail

Today I have received two e-mails from two unknown contacts. They included quotes from authors. I could not perceive whether they are spam or not, because they neither contained any links nor any ads. The first one I could not get clearly, but I liked the second one and found worth displaying here. It's quite meaningful considering my general approach towards life. Thanks a lot to Ms. Liz Guevara, who I don't even know, for this nice piece of quote.


"So. The time has come for me to get my kite flying, stretch out in the sun, kick off my shoes, and speak my piece. 'The days of struggle are over,' I should be able to say. 'I can look back now and tell myself I don't have a single regret.' But I do. Many years ago a very wise man named Bernard Baruch took me aside and put his arm around my shoulder. 'Harpo, my boy,' he said, 'I'm going to give you three pieces of advice, three things you should always remember.' My heart jumped and I glowed with expectation. I was going to hear the magic password to a rich, full life from the master himself. 'Yes, sir?' I said. And he told me the three things. I regret that I've forgotten what they were."

Arthur Marx

Feeling Good

There are some songs that you listen to countless times and do not realize their real deeper meaning. But somehow suddenly something strikes you when you discover what the words really mean. It does not necessarily need to be a complex one; it just depends on your mood to discover it.

That happened to me with Nina Simone's "Feeling Good" recently. Though it is quite simple in lyrics, I happened to understand what it tries to tell me.

It is time to cherish every single day of life...

It's a new dawn, a new day, a new life..


"Birds flyin' high you know how I feel
Sun in the sky you know how I feel
Breeze driftin' on by you know how I feel
Its a new dawn, its a new day, its a new life for me
yeah, its a new dawn its a new day its a new life for me ooh
And I'm Feeling Good

Fish in the sea, you know how I feel
River runnin' free you know how I feel
Blossom on the tree you know how I feel
Its a new dawn, its a new day, its a new life for me
And I'm feelin good

Dragonfly out in the sun you know what i mean dont you know
Butterflies all havin' fun you know what I mean
Sleep in peace when day is done that's what I mean
And this old world is a new world and a bold world for me

Stars when you shine you know how I feel
Scent of the pine you know how I feel
Yeah, Freedom is mine, and I know how I feel
Its a new dawn, its a new day, its a new life for me

(Free styling)

Oh I'm Feeling Good."

Nina Simone
Feeling Good

It's Only Words

Just a bunch of little words, with insignificant meanings by themselves...

And, how amazing it is when they come together in a magical order and make you burst into unexpected tears.

Some little words, so simple they seem; but so much more they embrace...

The Persistence of Memory

I don’t actually remember the first time when I saw the painting of Salvador Dalí called “The Persistence of Memory”. What I clearly remember is how I felt when I first heard its name. It wasn’t until then that the painting made sense. Suddenly the melting clocks served their purpose and turned into fascinating objects in my mind.

However, it is quite recent that I comprehended the real meaning of the persistence of memory...

The memory truly and honestly persists... It persists to stay alive in all cases... To stay in flesh and blood just like the days when it was “present time”. The ever lingering memory of the good times completes life itself and makes it purposeful. It is agonizing if some memories should no longer exist in the mind, but they are so precious to erase completely. It becomes much more painful when you cannot actually leave the memory behind, and it only hurts to cling to it from then on.

This is when the real persistence starts. The memory you try to get rid of gets much stronger. It stucks in your head and grasps all veins that are connected to your emotions. As memory tries to stay alive, it corrodes your soul and tortures it with endless greed. The unsteady state between the reminiscence of the memory and the desire of eradication becomes uncontrollable.

In those times, a mere sigh, a twisted smile or a few shiny tears lead you to a simple state of dullness which turns into your firm mood for the day. Then an old photograph, a poster of an old movie or an empty place nearby on the couch keeps recalling all the memories again and again.

At the end of the day what is left to do is to learn...
To learn to live with the aging memories...
To learn to smile, even though crestfallen...

P.S. Dedicated to the memory of M&S...
For their memory will linger forever somewhere deep and precious...

La Persistencia de la Memoria (1931) - Salvador Dalí

A Moveable Feast

Life is a moveable feast...

All the good times and the bad ones change alternatingly in time. Someday the happiness surrounding you is lost and what takes its place is the sorrow...

Occasionally life becomes so ordinary, so flatlined and regular that we think that nothing’s ever gonna change. But what is not to be forgotten is that life has a certain course to go through. Sometimes the course it follows may not seem to be apparent. But, the actual case is all change in time... someway or another... Those changes could even become so fundamental that sometimes nothing actually remains the same forever.

Although this chaotic structure is quite invisible to the naked eye and a blunt mind, on occasions it shows itself as clearly as daylight. Then comes the time when you suddenly discover the hidden truth of this moveable structure. Afterwards, the never-ending inquisition on the meaning of life begins. In the end, you perceive the vulnerability of the human soul against the drastic changes.

Life is a moveable feast, indeed, just like the feasts moving throughout the year from summer to autumn, from winter to spring...

Hemingway had the most brilliant characterisation on the subject matter;

"You expected to be sad in the fall. Part of you died each year when the leaves fell from the trees and their branches were bare against the wind and the cold, wintry light. But you knew there would always be the spring, as you knew the river would flow again after it was frozen. When the cold rains kept on and killed the spring, it was as though a young person had died for no reason."

From
"The People of Seine / A Moveable Feast"

Ernest Hemingway

Lately...

Though many people tell that life is very simple; it becomes surprisingly complicated on certain occasions. Recently I recalled how firmly I decided to change my life utterly for about a year ago. But, now I found out that not much has changed even since. I live in the same city, same apartment, have the same job at the same company. Got the same worries and almost the same joys of life. Then I realised how hard it is to really "change" your life completely and start over. Those times, when you realise you have very little to do, the days tend to pass much slower and the nights become even much heavier.

In that state of mind, followed up a whole week, feeling depressed, I even haven’t been at the spring festival of the university. Nearly to the end of the festival, a surprise appeared out of nowhere and changed my mood for good even in two short days. At the end of these two days I suddenly found out that the grouchy expression lingered for the whole week on my face turned to a big grin and bright eyes. I admit that I have a strong refreshment in my condition. I also believe to have an unexpected restoration in my hopes for better...

An Old Piece of Writing on Life

Here's an old piece of writing on life that dates back to March 3th, 2005. As to keep its genuineness and not to change the sensation it creates, I hereby attach it in its original language.

"Hayat,
Upuzun, engebeli bir toprak yol bana göre...
Üzerinde adım adım ilerlerliyoruz bazen, bazen de parlak ışıkların peşinden koşuyoruz...
Hep yeni kavşaklar ve ayrımlarla karşılaşıyor, faklı hanlarda yeni "yolcu"lar tanıyoruz...
Yalnızlığımızla hüzünlenip gözyaşlarımızla ıslatıyoruz onu...
Ama hep bir şekilde umutlarımızla devam etme gücünü içimizde buluyoruz...
Sonu nereye varır, hangimiz biliyoruz ki?

Ramayana'da şu söz geçer:
'The Hidden Truth Supports Everything; Find It and Win!' (İng. çeviri)

Kim bilir, belki de gerçekten o gizli gerçeği bulan kazanır..."

Beautiful

A short piece of text from the brilliant novel of Toni Morrison called “The Bluest Eye”, which tells fragments of a story mainly from the 40’s of Ohio. The paragraph describes the feelings of three little black girls after their quarrel with a ‘beautiful’ and rich white girl named Maureen Peal ending with her humiliation of the black girls as being ugly.

...We walked quickly at first, and then slower, pausing every now and then to fasten garters, tie shoelaces, scratch, or examine old scars. We were sinking under the wisdom, accuracy, and relevance of Maureen’s last words. If she was cute – and if anything could be believed, she was – then we were not. And what did that mean? We were lesser. Nicer, brighter, but still lesser. Dolls we could destroy, but we could not destroy the honey voices of parents and aunts, the obedience in the eyes of our peers, the slippery light in the eyes of our teachers when they encountered the Maureen Peals of the world. What was the secret? What did we lack? Why was it important? And so what? Guileless without vanity, we were still in love with ourselves then. We felt comfortable in our skins, enjoyed the news that our senses released to us, admired our dirt, cultivated our scars, and could not comprehend this unworthiness. Jealousy we understood and thought natural – a desire to have what somebody else had; but envy was a strange new feeling for us. And all the time we knew that Maureen Peal was not the Enemy and not worthy of such intense hatred. The Thing to fear was the Thing that made her beautiful , and not us...

From
"The Bluest Eye" by
Toni Morrison (Nobel Prize for Literature '93)

Wish I Was a Bird

Blowing through Indian summer night sky
I'd fly straight to nowhere
But I'm grounded down here in the city
With these faces stern and pretty
And in the station where no one says a word

I wish I was a bird

If I listen to somebody speaking
I can only hear waves breaking
Out at the ocean
The wind whips every word

I wish I was a bird


Jesse Harris & The Ferdinandos
from "While The Music Lasts" (2004)

Silencio, Continua Por Favor!

Just walked through dimly lit empty streets under post-winter rain. My headphones were on, the music playing was the relaxing sound of Joan Baez... It was silence all around... and peace that was innocent of reason in my soul...

For the last few weeks I have been in an elusive state of peace. Being a person always in panic in times of disorderliness, I am quite surprised to see myself like that. I believe sometimes - even when things are rather unpredictable - everything becomes astonishingly peaceful. Silence, darkness, even loneliness contribute to this condition of lightness, smoothness.

As I say, it is amazingly beautiful to be in such a state of peace.
Therefore, I must say:
Silencio, continua por favor!...

Farewell to the Greens

Life is all about different phases following each other, and the all transitions in between...
A phase begins with an exciting and joyful event sometimes, or with some hesisation, or even with a total disaster on some occasions. It may also end with a dramatic event as well. Sometimes it begins and ends in silence. But, the phases which are recalled even after many years are the ones that commence or end with a significant event or change of condition.

What is between those phases are the transitions. Some are quite short, even unnoticable, on the other hand some become like whole new "semi-phases", which keeps you waiting, sometimes to allow you to prepare yourself for the next phase ahead.

In those semi-phases, you just wait for the next part of life to start. It may become hard to control what is likely to happen or change the course. Those semi-phases are the ones that put a lot of burden onto the shoulders and cause quite a lot of anxiety. Of course, this is all about what is expected to happen on the next phase.

This ridiculuosly detailed explanation on my definition of "life phases" is written just for one simple purpose. I'm in one of those transitions (aka semi-phases) at the very moment. I'm not sure what will happen next, and what'll I got to do to make it clear. What I'm aware of is that I am about to leave most of the habits that affect my life style behind. On the next phase there will be whole other things, which I am not capable of foreseeing for the time being.

I understand it all too clear;
It's not just a Farewell to the 'Greens' only...
This is a farewell to the most recent phase of my life...

Leaving Is Easy

Leaving is easy...
Leaving the city you live in...
Leaving all the people behind, the troubles and all unsolved problems...
Going your own way without any hesitation on starting out again...

Ending is easy but weak as well...
Ending a discussion in a vicious circle...
Ending a relationship on quicksand, a dissappointing friendship...

What is really hard is to stay...
To stay and fight back...
To fight back against the troubles, to solve the problems...
To worry about what lies ahead...

To stay is the stronger on the other hand...
To make up, to embrace with trust, to forgive and start all over again...

Leaving is easy; what is hard is to stay...

The New Year and Resolutions

I guess I have given up having new year's resolutions long ago... First of all, the new year's day is just an ordinary day, like any other day of the year... Then, why wait for a special day to come to begin changing your life for good? Sounds like very optimistic, I know, but it is true, ain't it? It also sounds quite mature for me to say that. But, I think I, myself, have changed a lot over the last few years. Maybe it's all 'bout getting older. Don't know for sure, but what I really do know is that I do not care for new resolutions of a new year.

Recently recovered from a very intense academic study period and jumped into a bunch of social/cultural acitivities, I now cannot have any special time for myself these days. Italian, Spanish, Salsa Dancing, Primavera, decisions on the approaching future career, blah blah... So many things to conduct, so much to deal with... However, I know I become myself with all those to cope with. I guess I love living a life full of activities or at least with things to worry about...

With all those in my life recently, I really do not time to daydream, or hope, or wish for new things to happen or new resolutions to take. Or maybe I am realy tired of doing all those. Who knows... ;)

A new year to come, a new year to celebrate. Pure like the first cry of a baby, seems innocent as it could be...
But, it is in fact just another simple year... to live through...

Missing

Just passed the thesis defence I'm feeling so relieved... Besides, everything seems to be going quite allright... But, deep down somewhere, something feels like missing...

Happiness

Happiness cannot be reached through success, money, fame or love...
Happiness is just a matter between you and yourself alone.

Of Life and Hell

One of my friends once had a strange but somehow reasonable point of view for hell. She believed that it could be possible that we all are living in hell now... She supposed that living here on earth as a mortal being, and knowing that someday you’re gonna die and lose everything you own forever, is the real hell... That is to say, living a predetermined life that is bound to end in bitterness... Maybe that oughta be the torment for our sins in a past life...

Just imagine what to lose... Losing your family, friends, the people you love, losing all your memories, losing all the things you own, losing all your pleasures, and even losing your breath, the touch of fresh air forever... Losing all about “life”...

Maybe that’s the real “hell”... Who knows?

Just believe...!

Phocaea

Been here in Foça for the last two days...
Foça is surely a splendid place... But it felt empty without you...
It seemed as if you would suddenly appear coming towards me as I wandered in the streets. I wanted to stop by your house and check out the lights. For just a single moment I intended to grab my phone, call you and say "Here I am..."

In the end, not surprisingly, what I realized was that Foça meant you to me. And then, I got mad at you once more, for you have left and gone so far away, etc. etc...

Canım benim, I hope we will be together once again in Phocaea...
I missed you so much.

Caria

I have returned from a trip to Muğla yesterday. It was an official military mission for observation and investigation of the region. But somehow, quite surprisingly, it turned to a 'compact' holiday to the Menteşe Region, with the ancient name "Caria".

It is hard to imagine but I have been to Muğla, Akyaka/Gökova, Köyceğiz, Göcek, Dalyan, Marmaris, Hisarönü, Bozburun, Bodrum, Yalıkavak, Türkbükü and Milas in two days. The most unbelievable of all is that I did that as I was delivering my 'obligatory' military duty. I even had the chance to swim. If someone had told me before that I would do all these "in the army", I would have laughed at him/her with a response of "Stop kidding me!".

Altough it was hotter than hell for the whole trip, and we were travelling with a vehicle without air-conditioning, it was awesome to see all those places in the summer time. I had already seen most of the places before; but, in fact, some of them would be hard for me to go and visit by myself. For example, Bozburun is located in a small cove, surrounded by high mountains and capes. The road to Bozburun is also very winding, so it has a quite unpleasant access. But the nature I have seen there was so amazing that even the worst journey is worth to take to see it.



In addition, it was my first time in Göcek. I was fascinated by the beauty of the view. The marina hosts many luxurious boats, yachts which astonishes you from the very first moment you see them.


It was, once again, the sweetest thing to see the İztuzu Beach in Dalyan. The wonderful view of the combination of the lagoon, the river and the green-blue waters of the Mediterannean always charms me.


One other thing is that I had to chance to swim. Sweating from the extreme heat and the intense road trip, whole day I dreamt of swimming at the end of the day. When we were having dinner by the bright sea under the moon, I was determined enough to get up earliest in the morning and swim. In the early hours of the next morning, quite eagerly I got up, put on my swimming suit and rushed to the sea. It was not the best sea I swum in, but the feeling of the cool water flowing was so marvellous that it meant the world to me at that moment. Later that day, I learnt that the region, Hisarönü, is the location where the waters of the Mediterrannean meet the Aegen Sea; and that made it more special.

The last stop of the trip was Bodrum. Being there by itself was enough for me to be happy for the whole trip. The place I stayed the night was on one of the highest hills of the city. So, it had the amazing view of the whole city with the neighbouring suburbs. The Bodrum Castle, all the coves, the nearby islands (even the Kos), the white-house-covered hills were all in my sight from my balcony. Even wandering in the streets of the city in the night could not satisfy me as that view did.


Considering all the places I been to, all the beauty I witnessed; I believe, we live in
the most beautiful country of all. We'd better be in the know of it...

At The Funeral

I was at one of the martyr funerals we watched in today's evening news. I was a 'green one' in Kocatepe, among all the 'greens', 'whites' and 'indigos' with shiny stars and wreaths on shoulders. There, waiting under the bright sun, I was just a man who is standing still and the other was another man but lying in a wooden casket and will never be standing under the sun again...

Whether you support the ideas or not, in a martyr funeral, every single word cried out loud by the people around penetrates deep into your soul.

When I salute the coffin passing by me, although I try to keep my facial expression straight, my inner sorrow tells me to shout out loud: "Why do all these happen'"... Then a heavy funeral march starts. I look at the eyes of the people around, some beginned to grow tears... As I walk along with the crowd, I try to put some meaning... To my life, to his life, to his death...

What You're Really Worth To Me

"No matter how strong
I'm gonna take you down
With one little stone
I'm gonna break you down
And see what you're worth
What you're really worth to me"

Do we all have the courage to really
see what our beloved ones worth to
us?

(lyrics from Dinner At Eight
by Rufus Wainwright
on the Album Want One)